Help! My Child is Anxious

Help! My Child is Anxious

Children, Parenting, Teens, Anxiety

Having an anxious child has become an all too common issue. I have many children 12 and under whose primary issue is feeling anxious, worried or upset as their normal. Children can be amazingly resilient until they are not. We have all had to adjust and draw on emotional reserves to manage quarantine but our reserves have run out.

What Does Anxiety Look Like?

The symptoms for a child are not always what you might see in a teen or an adult. Children might display their anxiety by avoiding something they used to enjoy. They might have different sleeping and eating patterns. It can also be complaints of headaches, stomachaches or not feeling well. Your child might be extra moody or more easily upset. Many times, a child does not have the internal awareness of what anxiety is nor the ability to tell you about it.

What Causes Anxiety?

The causes vary. There is a very basic level of anxiety that we all need to be aware of, such as safety issues or the need to complete a given task. It is when the worry becomes more widespread and bleeds into other areas that we call it anxiety. For example, the one time a child gave a speech that was interrupted might grow into a fear of talking to anyone new. Many unprocessed events can result in globalized fears and anxiety.

There is also a level of anxiety that the child might pick up from family members or other consistent exposures. Right now the news, social media and many adults are talking about politics or Covid. While we might know how to process and moderate our own thoughts and feelings, a child does not. In fact, there are many times I have asked a kid client to explain why something is so scary or worrisome and their answer comes from a single incident riddled with misunderstanding. I personally used to think I had a staple in my head from an injury when I was 5. It took till I was in college to learn that this was not true. The staple that I heard talked about was for the forms in my chart.

What Can I Do?

So your child is anxious, but what can you do. Teaching some body regulating tools can be helpful. There are many breathing exercises, stretches or mindfulness tools available. I encourage my families to practice these when they are calm so it’s ready for when the worry or anxiety hits. Right before bed is often a good time.

I often will use CBT or Cognitive Behavior Therapy to address the thinking behind the feelings or anxiety. As the adult you can help by asking your child to share and explain their worries to you. Help them make a plan to handle those situations or even practice them in small doses. If that is not a skill you have then enlist a play therapist or child therapist. You can also simply be curious. It is amazing how much calmer a child becomes when they feel heard and seen.