Parenting Kids Through Change
· Kaitlyn Iseminger
Any parent knows transitions for kiddos are rough! Whether it’s trying to get a kid to a car, to go to the grocery store, or just having them leaving the video game for dinner, transitions can prove to be a bit of a challenge. Now throw a pandemic into the mix and you’ve got a hot mess. School? No school? Virtual school? Hybrid? In-person? It seems like our kids have been asked to exhibit a lot of flexibility in a time of uncertainty, and change is hard.
In this post I’ll cover:
- Adjusting your expectations
- Communicating your expectations
- Re-evaluate your expectations
Things Keep Changing
Just as soon as we think we have a new routine figured out, it seems like the pandemic throws another wrench in that plan. The past year has been A LOT on families, and now there’s the twinkling of normalcy off in the distance. If you’re a parent you might be thinking, how do I help my children cope with all this uncertainty?
Adjusting your expectations
First, check your expectations. Remember this isn’t a normal school year, things have been confusing and uncertain. There’s a lot everyone is adjusting to all at once: administration, teachers, parents, and kiddos. It’s important that your expectations for your kids are reasonable. Waking up and not being able to stay in PJs, might present a challenge when now having to switch the routine to being up and out the door at a certain time. Ask yourself, does this really matter? What does my kid need? Kids may need some extra reassurance and grace as they’re adjusting to a new routine and schedule. Naming the emotion your kid is experiencing can be helpful in their ability to identify what’s going on in them.
Communicating your expectations
Now that you’ve checked your expectations for your kids, the second thing to do is communicate your expectations. Giving your kids a friendly reminder of what you expect or even helping them plan out what their morning might like can help with transitions. If you have a kid who has ADHD or struggles remembering everything they need to accomplish, try creating a visual somewhere in the home for them to track their task or schedule. Remind your kids that you’re here to help them. Validation can go a long way. Just letting your child know, “I can see how that was really frustrating” or, “wow that did sound unfair” can go a long way for helping your child feel seen and heard.
Re-evaluate your expectations
Now that you’ve checked your expectations, and then communicated your expectations, the last step will be to re-evaluate your expectations. Sometimes, expectations need to be adjusted or just dropped altogether. It’s okay to change your expectations just be sure to communicate that with your kids. You could even bring your child into the conversation. First, identify the problem, “I see that homework has been to sit and focus.” Next voice your concern, “I’m worried that your homework won’t get done, and then you’ll fall behind in class.” Listen to your child’s concern, and provide some validation if possible. Remember validation is simply expressing, I hear what you’re saying, and I can see how you’re feeling that way. Work with your child to come up with a new expectation of how the concern can be met. Let your child come up with some ideas too. Ask if this meets my concern? Does it meet your concern? If so, try their idea. If it doesn’t, give them some feedback, “Hm, I like that idea, let’s keep coming up with some more” or “Ooh, what other ideas do you have?” The goal is for the two of you to come with a collaborative expectation that works for all parties. When a child is able to come up with their own solution to a problem, that solution is more likely to be effective and you’re empowering your child to be their own problem-solver.
For more support feel free to contact one of our awesome kiddo counselors: Kaitlyn Iseminger or Michelle Reilly. Are you a parent looking for more tips and tricks for parenting? Chat with Michelle Reilly about her Parent Clinic at michelle@lifeencounter.com