How To Make Positive Changes For A Fulfilling Life

Recently, I cut my hair. Not just a trim or layer – I chopped it all off.

I wanted a change, and felt like growing out my grays, going natural, and having a fresh start seemed right. I felt confident and sure about my choice. I researched the look I wanted and pursued it with gusto! I reached out to my sister, who’s a bit of a jack of all trades, and she was up for the task.

Shortly after, she knocked on my door, prepped with Sally’s Beauty Supply scissors. She was ready for action. It took much longer than I thought it would, but finally, I had the new ‘do.

Not even a day later, my head began spinning with wonders about how each and every social scenario was going to play out. I thought my confidence would have lasted longer. I faced people in the street and at the store with a new apprehension, but tried to keep in mind that they don’t care. They don’t know me.

This was not the change I was looking for.

Change. What’s so alluring about it? I sometimes feel the urge to “change everything” because I am bored of the mundane.

When thinking deeper into this, I thought it would be helpful to have the definition from Google. It read that it means to make someone or something different, to alter or modify, to replace something with something else, especially something of the same kind that is newer or better, or to substitute one thing for another. I found this helpful because, as a therapist, people enter my office either, implicitly or explicitly, expecting change to occur in some form or another, and I honestly don’t always know how to do that.

Ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once said, “Change is the only constant.” So, how do we survive the changes we’re experiencing, and how do we create some changes we actually want in our lives? Great question.

Author Stephen Convey seemed to have some idea of an answer when he wrote the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He advises to be proactive and begin with the end in mind. It’s a good read if you haven’t yet gotten around to it!

Dr. Jordan Peterson wrote of some ideas, too. In 12 Rules for Life, he brings an existential and yet realistic lens to the idea of change. His message seems to come in the context of trying to normalize our suffering and in some way, maybe, suggests we should try to embrace our inevitable suffering rather than try to change it. We should learn from it rather than run from it.

Dr. Peterson says to treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping, and to befriend people who want the best for you. He also advises to assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t. If you’ve not read or watched any of his work, he is a person who seems to have figured out some ways to make changes in his life for the better!

If you’ve been craving change, are you wondering where to start? Can therapy help? What should you do outside of therapy? Make all of your goals SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Keep striving towards your goals until it becomes a habit that then becomes a rule for your life.