Emotional Intelligence-What is That?

Emotional Intelligence-What is That?

Emotional intelligence is a growing buzz word but what is it? Basically, it is a person’s ability to notice and regulate their own feelings as well as noticing and adapting to the feelings of those around them. It is a skill that can help anyone from two years to 102. Many times, it seems to be connected with leadership and those who want to do well in the workplace. When I read through articles on emotional intelligence, I cannot help but think how much this helps parents and their children.

Emotional Intelligence in Kids

Just as having high emotional intelligence, also shortened to EQ (emotional quotient), can help anyone when it comes to interacting with others. This is a skill that many parents are trying to develop in their children. When leading my parent clinic, I spend a large portion of time coaching parents how to help their child become more aware of their feelings and then what to do with those feelings. I also noticed that for parents to do this well they also need to have a strong EQ.

I tell all my clients from small to grown, that the first step is to be aware. If you are aware of what you are feeling or thinking, then you have a chance to adjust or change your actions. The younger the person the more support they need in this step. There are many books and resources that can help. I recommend any of Daniel Siegel’s books on parenting and children.

Practical Steps for Emotional Intelligence

So, what are some practical steps to emotional intelligence in children? I tell parents to name the feeling. I have found many children know the big four feelings: mad, sad, scared and happy. That’s a good starting point but we have a wide array of feelings and sometimes multiple feelings at the same time. Allowing your feelings and your child’s feelings to be valid is a big support. Name the feeling and then pause. Some children need time to intake this information and process it while others are ready to talk and explain. You are there to support and listen-not to fix.

Once you have named and paused then you can begin the coaching part. There are healthy coping skills you can model and teach to your children. It can include dancing, walking or playing out your feelings, drawing or writing as well as deep breathing. If you still feel like you are out of your depths, seek professional support with a play therapist or child counselor.