Christian Sex?

Ahh. The all too famous topic of sex! Of course you have read, heard watched and been a part of sex…at least if you are married I am safe to say that!  It is most likely though you were sexual before you were married. So to the many of you reading this that are not married, you are of course included as well! I am going to focus on sex as to how it is dealt with from a biblical perspective. So before you check out on me be curious and read on…

Sex was happening before sin came into the world… it is more than a safe assumption! “Be fruitful and multiply” was said by God long before Adam and Eve walked away from God. Not only that, but sex was never mentioned as being a part of the problem. Sex was not even mentioned as being a part of the problem as our population needed to increase!

Think about the implications of this for a moment. Eve, Adam, Cain, Abel…? Life was of course different back then to say the least. In the book of Genesis people were really only mentioned if they were to begin a significant line of people or somehow be significant individually. Therefore women are hardly mentioned and  alot of men were not either. Suffice it to say though that it is mentioned that Cain and Abel had many brothers and sisters. Therein lies the first “difference” in sexual relations today. Incest WAS the modality of propagation.

From a scientific perspective things would have been a lot different with a perfect genome to start with. With no errors in the DNA sequence there would be no proneness to genetic abnormalities brought about by having a child in so close relation. However it also does seem that at least in the early beginning there was a coupling process that involved monogamy. The bible does not mention Eve lying with one of her son’s or Adam one of his daughters.

Later in scripture we know that it was not at all “weird” for Sarai (later Sarah) to suggest Abram (Later Abraham) “lay with my maidservant Hagar.” It was a big deal to have children to carry out your genetic line. This could only be done through a son. God had come to Abram previous to this and told him that his descendants would be greater than the stars in the sky. However, Sarai was seemingly unable to conceive so she offered Abraham lay with her servant and she did get pregnant. God does not get mad at Abraham for having sex with Hagar.

So we have God early in the Bible not getting mad at incest or sex outside of the husband wife union. Hmm…I will ask me the question for you. “Nate are you suggesting that adultery and incest are ok?” No. I am not! However I don’t think that God’s views on sex has ever changed either. I believe they are the same then that they are now! We also hear in the Bible that in Heaven there will be neither marriage nor any giving and receiving in marriage and no male or female. So…no sex. Sorry sex lovers!

Ok ok so is sex simply about procreation? Well I would say that if you have had sex I think we can agree that it is definitely not simply about having a child. Your sex life is important to you regardless whether or not it produces a child! Am I right? Yes I know I am… God made sex to validate the fullness of the image of himself that he made us to be. Sex is not merely physical but spiritual. “In His image… He made them male and female.” He made both our spirituality and physical nature to LONG to be fulfilled in oneness. This oneness is likened to the oneness or unity of God. God the father, spirit and son. When we get to heaven this longing will be finally fulfilled!  We are truly only “one” in our marriages as we move through God. This is how we literally become known to each other.

Sex feels good for these reasons. However, because it feels good we can often focus on the feelings rather than whole picture. Our bodies are not the only barometer for when we “need” sex. Our spirit is also a barometer and our partnership is also a barometer. Sex does not happen on your own! Surprise!  Also you are not and should not be a slave to sex or to your partner. There is a high desire and low desire partner in every relationship. The high desire partner struggles with rejection and the low desire partner with guilt. Each time the high desire partner is able to struggle through the rejection and leave their partner alone sexually without asking them to feel guilty or being rude they are giving to their partner. Each time the low desire partner works to make honest sexual advances with sincere heart and attitude they are giving to their partner. Furthermore, when jokes are avoided and the whole time is taken as important by all it is likewise received by all! This includes our Lord!

We were never made in the image of God to follow our bodies! We were made to ground ourselves in Him! So when we have strong feelings sexually and then feel justified and make demands for it to happen claiming we “need/deserve” it we enter a big problem area. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because they had moved into entirely trusting their bodies. There was essentially no image of God left in them…no humanity! Remember humanity is good! God made it! Jesus was able to stay perfect AND be human. Our flesh is not the problem. Trusting our flesh as a guide is the problem. It was never designed to do that! Our flesh is a participant in the will of God should we give our will to it and obey Him! You therefore cannot trust your flesh’s timing of sexual fulfillment.

There are so many ways we have been wounded growing up! Our sexuality often ends up as a storehouse of where the issues of our life end up needing to get dealt with. Withholding sex is not the answer. Having sex non-present (that is “pushing” through it and/or being tuned out) is also not the answer. Sex is important and it is important to God. HE made it to feel good. I am going to stop here for now. There is more to be said on this topic. Maybe at a later date! Some scripture used today: Genesis 1-4;10-13; 15-17. Ezekiel 16:49; Luke 20:35; Acts 17:28; Jude 1:7