We don’t deserve Happiness We do deserve Love
The definition of “Happiness”: good fortune : prosperity; a pleasurable or satisfying experience. I hear it from people all the time, “I just want to be happy.” Or “they deserve to be happy” or “I deserve to be happy!” The problem with this is that happiness cannot be counted on. Happiness is an experience we have based on a something that will not continue. We can be happy. We just cannot perpetually be happy. Therefore aiming for that “deserved happiness” can cause us to ignore commitments or leave them. It can also cause us to NOT fully experience our current life because we are so focused on whether it is making us happy that we don’t accept the present.
“Joy:” a state of happiness or felicity. Joy is what we really need to figure out. Happiness is dependent on things going well…perfect even. Joy can be experienced in ANY context. Joy is the perspective of participating truly and more fully the present context so much so that you are also able to see how what is occurring that is unfortunate can also be good for you. Consider a true martyr. The martyr doesn’t want to be killed or persecuted but they can experience joy in the pain because of the greater knowing that they are giving full voice to their message.
The pathway to Joy is gratitude. Gratitude is where it starts. Determining yourself to be thankful for your life experience will move your mind to a more full understanding. It will allow you to participate with good feelings even when bad things are occurring. I know I know you have your reservations with this one! You may have already thought of some situations and thought “really what about in this situation?” I would say, try it. All the research on thorough joy begins with gratitude. In fact Brene’ Brown was so confronted with the research that even though she had all the reservations in the world about it. She thought, “ok ok what the heck. I guess there is no harm in trying!” and she reported, “it actually works!”
“Love:” Love is patient, kind, without envy, arrogance, rudeness. It constantly forgives and seeks to reconcile. This is our design. I do believe every human you meet deserves this because this is literally what makes human to human relationships possible. You cannot relate without it. Therefore if someone in your life is withholding it or not being this way to you. You will need to have a conversation about it because your human connection does depend on it.
I hope you will consider all these things and I hope that you will begin finding Joy!