Multiple Sex Partners Does Not Equal Sexual Maturity

Nathan HawkinsDating, Relationship, SexLeave a Comment

Sexual promiscuity does not lead to sexual maturity. All having sex with multiple partners does is teach you how to use people and to be used. It helps you to be really good at detaching emotionally while still remaining engaged enough to have an orgasm. It divides you.

I realize that our current “hook-up” culture is so pervasive it is not normal to avoid sex with someone you’ve been dating for a month. It could even make you feel embarrassed or somehow abnormal to your peers. But the facts are sexual maturity and increased sexual frequency are found in monogamy not promiscuity.

So what is promiscuity? Promiscuity is defined as having indiscriminate casual sex with multiple partners. Monogamy is defined as marriage and only having sex with one person. The truth is that “serial monogamy”(only having sex inside of a committed dating relationship, which may only last a few months) which really is a catch phrase our culture put together is barely different than promiscuity.  You may be able to more attach in the sexual moment but the intimacy is no better than promiscuity.

You see we are actually pretty complex social creatures. It turns out ladies that over time as your brain processes relationship you divide yourself wondering how connected you are to the partner you just had sex with. The oxytocin, hormone that makes you feel close doesn’t seem to have the same effect after you have experienced not being close intimately even though you had sex. You can become more cold, confused and distant in future relationships. It’s like you essentially get exhausted trying to connect to men and then you’re just done.

Men you are not off the hook. It turns out that in some ways we are like baby ducklings with our first sexual experience (and/or profound ones) in that we “imprint” on that scenario. It becomes powerful and we want to recreate it. That recreation can include the emotional “vibe” at the time and even being drawn to similar locales. And because we are so visually stimulated it is extremely easy to be addicted to pornography and attach to the fake scenarios there rather than real sex with your spouse. I have had clients tell me that they like the way masturbating feels more than sex. Or they can’t climax because they can’t get all the way into it so they just pretend and stop. Actually there is a growing epidemic among young people as old as 12 that can no longer achieve an erection due to masturbating to porn too much. The problem is still to fresh to know how it will effect their relationships later on.

In some ways you could over simplify what I am saying here and think of it like men attach to an object and women attach to being an object. It really is better to wait. It is better for you brain and attachment. Sexual promiscuity does not lead to sexual maturity. The less partners the less emotionally confusing.

 

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